Surviving the unthinkable when your child is chronically ill is a journey that reshapes your very existence, as I know all too well. As a mom who has navigated years of trauma and life-and-death situations with my kids, I’ve come to understand the deep, often unacknowledged, emotional toll this takes. The constant need to remain strong and composed in hospitals, while suppressing your feelings, only makes the process of coping with trauma more challenging. In this narrative, I will share my personal experiences and tips for managing trauma, hoping to connect with and support other parents and caregivers of medically complex kids. It’s a path fraught with anxiety, anger, and sadness, but also one where resilience and hope can flourish.

The Weight of Medical Trauma

Years of Unprocessed Emotions

For years, I piled my emotions into a corner, hoping they’d stay put while I managed the immediate needs of my children. The hospital room became a stage where I had to perform unwavering strength, never letting a tear slip. (Well, we had some nurses I really trusted that would check in on us and they probably did see me at my worst).  This suppression, however, came at a cost. Unprocessed emotions have a way of resurfacing, demanding attention when you least expect it. It wasn’t until I started seeing a counselor that I realized just how much trauma I had buried. Each session felt like peeling back layers of pain, anxiety, and anger that had been festering for years. The process is far from simple or quick. It involves sitting with emotions I'd rather ignore and confronting the harsh memories head-on. This emotional unpacking is necessary to find ways to cope with both past and new trauma, and to finally start healing.

The Struggle to Hold It Together

In the sterile, high-pressure environment of a hospital, showing emotion feels like a luxury you can’t afford. The fear of being labeled the "emotional mom" who can’t hold it together looms over every interaction with medical staff. Suppressing tears and putting on a brave face became second nature. Yet, this façade takes an immense toll on your mental health. The need to appear composed often means that your own needs and feelings are pushed aside indefinitely. Over time, this constant effort to maintain control becomes exhausting, leaving little room for self-care or emotional release. -->It’s an unsustainable way to cope with trauma. Acknowledging this struggle is the first step toward finding healthier ways to manage the overwhelming emotions that come with caring for a chronically ill child.

Unexpected Counseling Realities

Starting counseling, I envisioned a quick path to relief—an emotional release followed by a sense of calm. Instead, the reality was far more complex. Therapy wasn’t a straightforward process of venting and moving on. It has required me to revisit each traumatic event, sitting with emotions I had long avoided. This wasn’t the cathartic experience I had imagined. It was hard, uncomfortable, and often left me feeling more exposed than ever. Yet, it was also necessary. This deep dive into my emotions was the only way to start processing years of unacknowledged trauma. It taught me that coping with trauma involves more than just talking about it; it requires feeling it, understanding it, and finding ways to manage it constructively.

Learning to Cope Anew

Facing Unwanted Feelings

Facing unwanted feelings is one of the hardest parts of coping with trauma. When you have a child with chronic illness, emotions like anxiety, anger, and sadness are constant companions. For years, I pushed these feelings aside, thinking they would weaken me. However, avoiding these emotions only made them stronger and more intrusive. Counseling has forced me to confront them head-on. This isn't a pleasant experience; it was like reopening old wounds. Yet, it was essential for healing. By acknowledging these feelings, I could start to understand their roots and find healthier ways to cope. It’s a daunting process, but facing these emotions is the first step toward managing trauma effectively and finding a semblance of peace amid the chaos.

Adapting to New Coping Mechanisms

Adapting to new coping mechanisms is challenging, yet a vital part of my journey. My old ways of dealing with stress—like ignoring my feelings or turning to unhealthy snacks—no longer served me. They provided temporary relief but did nothing to address the underlying trauma. Through counseling, I'm learning more constructive methods to manage my emotions. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, and even simple breathing exercises have become essential. These new strategies don’t erase the trauma, but they help me navigate it more effectively. The shift wasn’t immediate; it has taken time and patience to integrate these practices into my daily life. This will likely be something that I'll do for the rest of my life.  But each small step forward feels like reclaiming a piece of myself, helping me cope with trauma in a healthier way.  And maybe, just maybe, another Mom (or Dad) will find some useful things for themselves, too.

Overcoming Uncomfortable Moments

Overcoming uncomfortable moments is an inevitable part of coping with medical trauma. Whether it’s a flashback to a critical incident in the hospital or a sudden surge of anxiety, these moments can be debilitating. Learning to navigate them has been a critical part of my healing journey. At first, I wanted to escape these feelings, but running away only made them more persistent. Through therapy, I learned to stay present during these uncomfortable times, using grounding techniques to keep myself anchored. Simple practices like focusing on my breath or naming objects around me have proven to be effective. These moments are still challenging, but they no longer hold the same power over me. By facing them head-on, I’ve gained a sense of control and resilience, making each day a little easier to manage.